Would I Trust Christ or Not? The Choice was Mine!
My Name is Kristen Nadaskay, and this is My Story.
I have known about Christ and His death and salvation ever since I was little. I was five when I prayed with my mom to “get saved.” I do not remember what I said or what I was thinking at the time. However, I believed myself to be saved. (Note: Salvation and saved are Biblical terms referring to the forgiveness of sins by God and the rescue of a person from the power and penalty of that sin. This is God’s requirement for eternal life.) I had some doubts when I was about eight and prayed every night, “Lord, if I am not saved, save me now.” Eventually, the doubts went away, and I continued in the belief that I was saved.
When I was about ten, we moved to the Emmaus area, and my parents joined Lehigh Valley Baptist Church. As I listened to the preaching, my doubts came back. When I was twelve, I talked to my dad about the doubts. He suggested I do a Bible study. I thought I would just “take care” of it. So I once again prayed, saying all the right words, but not checking to see where my heart was. My doubts were gone, so I really thought I was saved.
In the Fall of 2003, when I was thirteen years old, Bro. Rufus Edmisten was here to preach revival meetings. He had been asked to come and preach for two weeks. The second Sunday and Monday that he was here, he preached on hell. I did not really doubt my salvation, but I did not want to come to the end of my life and be wrong. I wrestled with it for a few days and finally admitted that I was lost. After reaching that point, I tried my old routine: praying the right words. But this time, right away, I knew that there was something wrong. I talked to my dad, and he told me that salvation was not a recipe to follow.
I began to seek the Lord, but unfortunately, other things and people took most of my attention. I DID want to be saved, but I was not unhappy with my life as it was. I knew that I needed to be saved, but I figured it would “happen” before too long.
Time went on. I attended camps, church services, and special meetings. Several different people would counsel me. I read my Bible and other books on salvation. But I wrestled with pride. After all, I was a good person; I always did the right things, at least on the outside. But my heart was really sinful, and more often than not, I could see things on the outside that were wrong, too. The Lord kept convicting me of my sin, and finally I swallowed my pride and admitted that I was a wicked sinner. When I got past my pride, I struggled with surrendering all to Christ.
In the summer of 2006, I finally came to the place of truly wanting to be saved. Then I hit my biggest stumblingblock-trusting Christ. I knew I needed to be saved. I wanted to be saved. I knew Christ was the only way of salvation. I even believed that Christ WOULD save me. But I was looking to be compelled to be saved; I was looking for a feeling to tell me that I was ready to be saved. Without that I could not, or more truthfully, would not trust God.
This went on for a long time. In the fall of 2007, Bro. Wayne Hudson preached revival meetings. One of his messages was specifically on trusting. He used a visual picture to show what he meant: He had a football with the label FEELINGS, a box labeled FAITH, and a big Bible labeled FACTS. He then took the FAITH and tried to put it on the FEELINGS (the football), but it would not stay. Then he put the FAITH on the FACTS (the Bible), and it stayed just fine. He quoted this little poem:Feelings come, and feelings go,
And feelings can be deceiving;
So I put my trust in the Word of God,
Because it is worth believing.
It was a powerful object lesson, and truly hit home with me. However, though I struggled long and hard with it over that week and the next, I did not get it settled. But I was not willing to let it go this time. I was reading my Bible and seeking the Lord, but I was not getting anywhere. Everyone kept telling me it was a choice to trust, but I could not figure out HOW to do it.
January 20-22, 2008, I went to the winter retreat. Pastor Morrison preached, and his second message was on the exact thing I was struggling with: Faith. He described my case exactly: trying to DO something for my salvation. He said that his advice to that person was, “Let go; you have to let God do the work.” I truly wanted that, but something was still in the way. Tuesday night, I e-mailed Pastor Hammett and told him I needed help. We met the next day and he pretty much told me that I was looking for a feeling, and I just needed to trust God.
That afternoon at home, I had some time by myself in my bedroom. I read the verses that Pastor Hammett had gone over with me. I also listened to part of Bro. Morrison’s message on the internet. I thought to myself, Kristen, the only reason you do not get saved right now is because of your own choice. I knew it came down to a choice, and that day, I would either choose to trust Christ or I would choose to reject Him. (Of course, that was a choice I had been making all along.)
I got on my knees and started thinking it all through. I did not rush through. I wanted to go into it, knowing what I was doing. Finally, I started talking to God. I told Him that I was choosing to trust Him right then for my salvation, and I would trust Him even if I did not have a feeling. I asked Him to forgive me, even though I did not deserve it. When I finished praying, I did not have a feeling. My first thoughts were to doubt whether or not it was real. But I said to myself, No, I trust God that He has saved me because He said He would in His Word. It was not easy for me, but I knew if I did not put my faith in God’s Word then, whenever my feelings changed, I would doubt. I knew I could never do anything to save myself. I could not repent enough or believe enough. HE had to do all the work!
Since that time, I have seen God working in my life, changing me to be more like Christ. The verses in the Bible that I had read many times before now have new meaning to me. I now desire to do right to please the Lord, and I want to follow His leading in my life. Second Timothy chapter 1, verse 12 says, “I know WHOM I have believed, and am persuaded, that HE is able to keep that which I have committed unto HIM against that day.” God was so good to me, in waiting so long! He only is my trust for salvation!